


A School of Fish

by Wellwick



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco Malfoy Being an Asshole, Dumb-ledore, Fanatical Fics's New Years Competition 2021, Fish, Gen, Hogwarts Great Hall, Other, Satire, Smart Hermione Granger, prank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28676469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wellwick/pseuds/Wellwick
Summary: Fred and George's latest Hogwarts prank goes awry and the whole castle is left to suffer the consequences. How will Hogwarts cope with so many new unwanted residents in the Great Hall? Featuring many fish, an inventive Hermione, nasty Draco and some sneaky Harry/Giant Squid.
Relationships: Giant Squid/Harry Potter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12
Collections: Fanatical Fics’s New Year’s Competition 2021





	A School of Fish

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Fanatical Fics's New Years 2021 Writing Competition.

It had been a rough year.

At the beginning of the year, Fred and George had conceived of a brilliant scheme, an excellent prank to pull on the entire school. A new prank for a new year. A special enchantment that took the regular magic of the Great Hall’s ceiling and tweaked it slightly for their entertainment.

They made it rain fish.

It started abruptly one evening when everyone had been sitting down eating dinner, the first cod catching Filch in the face.

The twins cackled with laughter, and a fair few other people had joined in. Especially when Mrs. Norris climbed all over him to get the fish.

Then the downpour began.

Dozens and dozens of fresh and salt water fish descended from the heavens, landing on plates and students alike. Chaos quickly erupted, with people trying to flee from the assault of a seaful of summoned fish, slipping as the sea creatures filled the walkways between tables.

The twins were pulled up on disciplinary actions, and when questioned, they confirmed that they’d only set the enchantment to last for an hour.

It was a horrified student body that arrived at the Great Hall the next morning to a continued onslaught of fish falling from the ceiling.

Classes continued that day, with Dumbledore telling the rest of his staff not to let it bother them, as it would likely all be over soon.

But the fish continued to fall at lunch time too.

House elves were splitting their time half and half between keeping the Great Hall clear and the rest of their regular tasks.

By dinnertime, it was clear something was up. After Flitwick checked the twins maths for the enchantment, worry started to set in.

The twins, who’d never been that great on the mathematical side of things (much preferring the creative endeavour of prank creation) hadn’t quite carried the one. Multiple times.

The enchantment wasn’t going to last an hour.

It was going to last a year.

The next week saw dozens of the older years in the hospital wing from fish related injuries. Madam Pomfrey was furious, but Dumbledore was still finding the whole endeavour to just be the prank of a couple of schoolboys.

After a month of fish falling from the skies of the Great Hall, many people had started taking their meals outside of the main hall, to stay safer. It was recommended, for their own safety, however it was rather confusing for the student body as many of the teachers were contradicting each other.

Worse the enchantment had started to spread! Hogwarts itself had started to adapt the enchantment and it had begun to leak out into the entrance hall as well. It became a regular occurance to leave a potions class and have to climb up a stairway filled with fish to get back to the grand staircase.

After two months, Dumbledore finally admitted there was an issue and started looking into dealing with the enchantments. After Flitwick suggested that he disable the ceiling enchantment entirely, Dumbledore instead decided to allow the Giant Squid free roam of the castle in the hopes that it would eat up all the excess fish.

Unfortunately, the creature much preferred eating toast. Burnt toast specifically, preferably with cinnamon spread on it.

By the time three months had passed, the inhabitants of Hogwarts had begun to adapt. Hermione had developed some fish-repellent umbrellas with the extremely repentant Weasley twins. They sold them on at cost, and soon they were regular accessories around the castles. They became somewhat of a fashion item, people recolouring theirs to house colours, or Quidditch teams they supported.

Not everyone supported the umbrellas though. Malfoy was their biggest detractor, loudly exclaiming to anyone who would listen that they were rubbish and didn’t work and that they made walking around difficult as you had to move around other people in the hallways. His complaints were agreed with by plenty of people in the castle, who nodded along with his argument even as they were whacked by falling salmon.

Malfoy ignored all comments on his expensive new fish-repellent robes that his father had sent him.

Come exam season, a lot of students struggled. The stink of fish persisted throughout the castle, and the Giant Squid was a regular interruption in classes, study and exams. Harry Potter heroically took up most of the Giant Squid’s attention by agreeing to finally go on a date with it. On top of that, the Hospital Wing was overflowing with patients from fish related accidents.

Eventually though, summer arrived, and the students got the chance to escape the fish infested castle. The leaving feast was done under a giant fishnet that was rapidly sagging as the students ate feverishly quick, eyes cast skywards fearfully the whole meal, prepared for the net to break and an avalanche of fish to come tumbling down on them.

Dumbledore led a round of applause for Madame Pomfrey at the end of the meal for her fantastic work keeping the Hogwarts population healthy. Madame Pomfrey stood up to make a brief speech, an appeal to the school to-

Dumbledore interrupted her though, sending all of the students off to pack their bags ahead of the train journey home the next evening.

The students returned home to blind disbelief from their parents. While some believed that the fish prank had got that out of hand, most assumed that their children were making a much bigger deal out of it than it really was, or even that there weren’t any fish at all.

An entire summer to deal with the enchantment should have been plenty of time to deal with the fish before the new term began. Therefore, it was a surprise to the students when they returned on September 1st to find that Dumbledore had failed to deal with it, and if anything the fish were now falling faster than ever. The enchantment had begun spreading to classrooms, the dungeons being one of the first affected.

It wasn’t long before the Hospital Wing was packed with injured students again, but now Snape wasn’t able to make nearly as many potions with his dungeons infested with fish, so the healing was slower than ever. Malfoy’s contingent continued to be aggressively ignorant of the effectiveness of the umbrellas, sneering at anyone who used them even as they slipped on sturgeon in the halls.

Most students were smart, keeping away from the Great Hall and keeping their umbrellas at hand in case of a school of fish falling on their heads, but a fair few students would chance it, meeting friends in the Great Hall at mealtimes, and getting pelted with fish throughout the meal. When they returned to the common room, they were easy to spot (or smell, at least), the stink of fish following them around the castle.

That autumn term was one of the worst that Hogwarts had ever seen. The fish enchantment had soon spread to every classroom, and it was only extensive warding from teachers that stopped it moving into the common rooms. Madame Pomfrey wasn’t able to keep the enchantment out of the Hospital Ward, so students would be in their beds recovering but every visitor would be whacked with fish in the process of checking up on their friends.

Eventually, though, the end of the year drew near.

The school body assembled in the Great Hall on New Year’s Eve, umbrellas up, haddock and pollock and eels flopping around in the aisles. Harry was sitting beside his new lover, the Giant Squid, feeding them bits of burnt cinnamon toast, while Hermione, Fred and George anxiously watched the skies.

The hall full of students chanted the last ten seconds of the year down together, exhaustion in their voices battling their excitement for the new year.

And when the clock struck midnight, the room fell silent.

A single solitary halibut fell from the ceiling and bounced off of Malfoy’s charmed attire.

And that was the last fish to fall.

There was no cheer, the Hogwarts population too shocked to really believe it was over. Slowly, the students began to filter out of the room and back to their beds, careful with their path to avoid the piles of slippery fish, umbrellas closed for the first time in months.

Fred and George hugged one another, glad that it was finally over. Hermione embraced Ron, and Harry embraced the Giant Squid, before being carried off to their private chambers.

Life was slow to return to normal, with fish laying about the castle for many months. Even beyond that, the smell of fish would linger for years.

Eventually though, life would return to normal, and the children of Hogwarts would once again explore the castle, not with fear, but with wonder.

Meals at Hogwarts would once again be a time to loudly enjoy with friends, and the feasts were always a time of celebration.

People could look forward to a future with hope once again.


End file.
